I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
