I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
