So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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