Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize