We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
