The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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