We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
