i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
