life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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