I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
4 words: hood of his car
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
it glows. i had to have it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
we should paint friendship bongs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
