her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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