my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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