Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
