Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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