No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
