We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
