Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize