I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
