I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
