i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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