Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
