OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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