my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
