you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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