I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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