On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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