thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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