This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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