The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
