my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Please don't give away my fajitas
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
