I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
