I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
