true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
