Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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