well I can't set my house on fire every night
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
