sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
