She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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