Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
