Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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