is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
