theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
