Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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