I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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