if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
