Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
