he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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