No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
