Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
