It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
