i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
