I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
