Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i came on her dog
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
