Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
