you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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