Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We got so high we made milksteak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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