I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
